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moments to share, moments to care

for quite a while now i've been gradually changing into a worse and worse version of myself.

i used to be an independent woman who never allowed herself depending on anyone. doing all by myself. i became one of the neediest people on the planet.

i was positive and naive, believed in the best in people, deeply knowing that no man is bad per se, just acting out because he is being unhappy, but then i became suspicious and cynical of everyone, making assumptions and disbelieving even when proven wrong.

i was positive, always appreciating the amazing things in life, grateful and proud of my friends, thinking everything is perfect and nothing is unsolvable. i was thankful to God and did not understand, what have i possibly done to deserve this happiness. then i started complaining. hating my life. hating myself. and it never stopped.

i used to take great care of myself, my body, mind, ambitions, set goals and achieve them without a doubt. i had self discipline and principles i never overstepped. i...

Skrivet av arlona, 2017-02-03

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a state where two people who deeply love each other live in fear of that the other might do to them.

i tried my best to make things up. i failed.

a great love it was. no regrets. i'm grateful there was a time in my life i felt so alive.

and so home.

Skrivet av arlona, 2017-01-30

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be honest to myself.

be good to myself.

Skrivet av arlona, 2017-01-04

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we choose what we let define us.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-12-12

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that face holds no horror for me now,
it's in my soul the true distortion lies.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-12-11

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sometimes life is like the game snakes and rattles. you think you are so close to the goal, but suddenly you land on a snake and fall down to square one again.

aside from that, i am like a very bad car passenger - i constantly interrupt the driver, criticizing his ways and demanding the wheel, even though his way may be different and better.

i wish i could just buckle up and enjoy the ride.
the driver knows what he's doing. it's the passenger who needs to let go.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-11-24

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ever since i realized i am not needed anymore, i felt completely worthless. it seemed, just because i am not needed, i had no more value, a piece of trash that can be tossed out, since there was no use to it anymore.

it make me understand, how i genuinely need to feel needed. in a way it is ironic, since for the past 1,5 years i have been one of the neediest people that i know, being happy for the small instances of my life when anyone else expressed any need or appreciation for my presence.

change is not easy, but maybe realization that i am not needed anymore doesn't mean i'm worthless. no more.

maybe nobody needs anyone and the old expression is completely wrong.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-10-27

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you don't cause pain, and you don't feel pain - that's an illusion.
you don't cause pain, but you feel pain - that's being ghandi.
you cause pain, but you don't feel pain - that's being a sociopath.

you cause pain and you feel pain - that's war. or life.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-10-02

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