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moments to share, moments to care

silent evening lays upon the earth. the wind still sings his redemption song over the seas, beyond the woods and on the streets. the snowflakes keep falling and filling the air with soft peace that fills your lungs up to the top. just listen. and breathe. close your eyes and enjoy the moment wishing it would last forever. feel the frost stinging in the cheeks reminding you that you're still alive. and give in. for once. for your own sake.

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-18

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that's the question of the day. most likely the question of the week. and i can tell that the answer or the search for it will impact some of my decisions in the nearest future. gotta get to the basis of all this to make it clear.

so two days ago we watched a christmas movie with friends and i got all emotional since i realised that these christmas i will have to spend alone. so in my desperation i was almost ready to invite myself over to one of my exes in swe since i didnt wanna stay here. one of my exes invited me immediately when he heard how bad i felt cuz he knows how much christmas means to me and cuz we have been broken up for enough long time that we can actually socialize with each other. but ofc. i needed/wanted the other one more. and i spend an entire evening crying over spilled water which was very unhealthy and in any case very unnecessary.

so today i was a part of a completely different dimension/world/reality. i went to riga to meet 2 of my old classmates. the day was better than i...

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-17

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fill the space with the missing letter. thats right. NAGGERS. i tend to be one of them. but lately i've noticed that i can control my action/reaction on certain events and after a few minutes/hours/days i realize that they don't have half of the impact on my life than i thought they were. or more correctly, those events will impact me as much as i will let them to. so it is just to take a deep breath and look from the side and see: wait a second, it aint that bad.

this year might be the first christmas that i might have to spend alone. so what? just because i dont have a family, i have nothing? so atm im planning to crush someones christmas :) watch out, i might pick you!

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-16

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this evening is priceless. the entire day was quite amazing to begin with, but let's just get to the most entertaining part.
so music is the only thing that keeps me going through dark hours. and when someone tries to take it away from me, i can get very upset. so let's just say i got into a fight with a band member about some pointless stuff. i'm so freaking tired of ppl being irresponsible and wasting their own n other ppl's time. and not admitting they screw up big time. grow up ffs and start taking some responsibilities. this made me realise one thing - rather sit in the corner, play when you have to and sit silent when you don't. shut the fuck up and just do your thing.
anyhow, the evening glided into a completely different shape after i got one step closer to fulfilling my dream - playing one of the most awesome songs for my level together with 2 other ppl that share my passion. if this will all come true, ill die happy. but still a month left for rehearsals. can't wait.

i also noticed that i...

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-13

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it's amazing how your attitude/feelings towards a person can change in an instant. like one day you're madly in love with this guy but then he goes and does some incredibly stupid things that disappoint you in the level of you losing half of what you ever felt. relief and wonder at the same time. i guess that first of all it happened cuz i've put the person on a non-existant pedestol and then wondering why he fell from it. or maybe because i am incredibly naive (which i am) and hope and believe in things which aren't there but that i want to be there. typically. typiskt.

Why did I let myself believe miracles could happen.

'Cause now I have to pretend that I don't really care.

not that i have a problem with any of it. i'm very lucky to have things that fill my life, most of it is music ofc. so as long as i have hearing, fingers and voice (in the order of priority) i will always have smth to put myself into and...

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-11

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atm i feel like: ezitis migla (hedgehog in the fog). got my stuff hence part of my personality back from swe yesterday and it feels great. now all of me is gathered in one place. though i still miss swe. i wonder if the changes im experiencing depend on the blue package or if it's because of certain ppl around me. and what's in it for me in the long run? kinda weird and interesting at the same time.

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-10

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regretting deleting my old profile here, would be nice to reread all that nonsense of mine i wrote a few years ago. most of it most likely consisted of my own descriptions of weird personality changes and how i tried getting past loads of probs. welcome me back, folks, im done with most of the issues, still some left. good for me. life would be boring and pointless if there were no issues to solve. cant complain, ups n downs, and im like a dead fish in the stream, letting the life take me wherever it goes. id wish to change from a selfish bitch into the good samaritan, but there is long way to go and my brain seems to be a little too twisted to accept the effort.

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-11-04

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