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moments to share, moments to care

sometimes life is like the game snakes and rattles. you think you are so close to the goal, but suddenly you land on a snake and fall down to square one again.

aside from that, i am like a very bad car passenger - i constantly interrupt the driver, criticizing his ways and demanding the wheel, even though his way may be different and better.

i wish i could just buckle up and enjoy the ride.
the driver knows what he's doing. it's the passenger who needs to let go.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-11-24

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ever since i realized i am not needed anymore, i felt completely worthless. it seemed, just because i am not needed, i had no more value, a piece of trash that can be tossed out, since there was no use to it anymore.

it make me understand, how i genuinely need to feel needed. in a way it is ironic, since for the past 1,5 years i have been one of the neediest people that i know, being happy for the small instances of my life when anyone else expressed any need or appreciation for my presence.

change is not easy, but maybe realization that i am not needed anymore doesn't mean i'm worthless. no more.

maybe nobody needs anyone and the old expression is completely wrong.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-10-27

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you don't cause pain, and you don't feel pain - that's an illusion.
you don't cause pain, but you feel pain - that's being ghandi.
you cause pain, but you don't feel pain - that's being a sociopath.

you cause pain and you feel pain - that's war. or life.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-10-02

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fun thing, if you google "how to bottle up your emotions", only results you get is how to unbottle them.
what a waste. of bottles.

this world has enough of feelings already.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-10-01

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seems like i've lost all of them.

i'm so lost. one more week, and then i'll have time to ponder about it and start from a scratch.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-09-21

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somewhere along the way I lost gratefulness for all the amazing things in my life.

I think it has somthing to do with someone overtalking me to get used to comfort.

I don't want comfort. life is amazing as it is.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-09-16

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i need to learn to keep more things to myself.
as well as not to give in to momentary emotions. impatience brings out the worst in me.

therefore the traits i want to obtain are patience, composure and moderation.

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-09-11

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resentment is the degree to which we allow someone else to trespass our own boundaries.

it hurts when we let someone into the home of our heart, and instead of appreciating this luxury, they wreck everything on their way. at first you can just walk behind them, cleaning up the mess, kindly asking to be more gentle. but at one point enough is enough - you show them the door and smash it loudly behind them. or smash their face. and then the pain comes. how could we have been such fools, to let someone in? how could we let it go on for so long and take it?

i have been really bad at dealing with resentment. there was a person who walked into my life and wrecked all of it, because i let him.
i loved and still love him very much, and apparently he loved me in return, since after i smashed the door behind him, he kept standing on the porch.
eventually i let him in again, but with huge suspicion and mistrust. as soon as a flower was misplaced, i got panic attacks of what might follow.
i was hoping my love...

Skrivet av arlona, 2016-07-21

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