moments to share, moments to care
of not working the steps.
i've always wondered when hearing that people tend to fall off the wagon right after hitting a sobriety anniversary. i felt it so clearly yesterday. it is all due to unresolved feelings and lack of work with the program, expecting a miracle.
one more week and it will happen, 3 more days, tomorrow..
but the miracle never arrives, because there is no miracle.
it is a simple 24 hour day by day kind of a deal. no more, no less.
it works if you work it.
so today i let it all out. i felt like shit, but everything that had been gathered up, just had to get out.
it hurt like hell.
i'm glad it didn't cost me sobriety, but it was a high price to pay none the less.
these 24 hours are over.
tomorrow is a new day.
i pray tomorrow is a better day.
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tonight is my 5 month sobriety anniversary.
tonight was also special night. there have been many random thoughts over the past weeks, many weird events, many feelings. i've often made these entries carefully, trying to make myself look good, thinking about the many people who might read it.
today i'm tired of it. i'm not only the flaws showed over the past months revealing through the steps. i'm also really great and talented, funny and caring, intelligent and gentle. good looking. creative. dedicated. my true confidence (not the huge ego mask) is finally starting to show, and it's a great foundation.
tonight i went to a concert that made me feel. i hadn't felt something like that for a very long time. during sobriety up to today, feelings have been something to be handled with caution and never to be followed spontaneously as they come, good or bad, to avoid falling into extremes or acting on the first thought. but beat by beat, the music seduced me, awaking deeper and deeper longing and awakening,...
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by pierre franckh.
the scientific book about the positive thinking.
what a booster.
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hello there.
so in order to stop imagining people the way i want to and seeing them for who they are, a new circle begins.
oh God, i have been so wrong my head is hurting.
and does, like, everyone sees this??
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if the person who you care about chooses anyone else but you to go to when shit hits the fan, there is a good chance they were really fed up with your life lessons a long time ago.
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turns out i am simply allergic to all dairy (lactose, whey, yogurt, cream, kefir), eggs and bananas (??).
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