moments to share, moments to care
for quite a while now i've been gradually changing into a worse and worse version of myself.
i used to be an independent woman who never allowed herself depending on anyone. doing all by myself. i became one of the neediest people on the planet.
i was positive and naive, believed in the best in people, deeply knowing that no man is bad per se, just acting out because he is being unhappy, but then i became suspicious and cynical of everyone, making assumptions and disbelieving even when proven wrong.
i was positive, always appreciating the amazing things in life, grateful and proud of my friends, thinking everything is perfect and nothing is unsolvable. i was thankful to God and did not understand, what have i possibly done to deserve this happiness. then i started complaining. hating my life. hating myself. and it never stopped.
i used to take great care of myself, my body, mind, ambitions, set goals and achieve them without a doubt. i had self discipline and principles i never overstepped. i...
Visa hela (3 kommentarer)
a state where two people who deeply love each other live in fear of that the other might do to them.
i tried my best to make things up. i failed.
a great love it was. no regrets. i'm grateful there was a time in my life i felt so alive.
and so home.
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sometimes life is like the game snakes and rattles. you think you are so close to the goal, but suddenly you land on a snake and fall down to square one again.
aside from that, i am like a very bad car passenger - i constantly interrupt the driver, criticizing his ways and demanding the wheel, even though his way may be different and better.
i wish i could just buckle up and enjoy the ride.
the driver knows what he's doing. it's the passenger who needs to let go.
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ever since i realized i am not needed anymore, i felt completely worthless. it seemed, just because i am not needed, i had no more value, a piece of trash that can be tossed out, since there was no use to it anymore.
it make me understand, how i genuinely need to feel needed. in a way it is ironic, since for the past 1,5 years i have been one of the neediest people that i know, being happy for the small instances of my life when anyone else expressed any need or appreciation for my presence.
change is not easy, but maybe realization that i am not needed anymore doesn't mean i'm worthless. no more.
maybe nobody needs anyone and the old expression is completely wrong.
Visa hela (3 kommentarer)
you don't cause pain, and you don't feel pain - that's an illusion.
you don't cause pain, but you feel pain - that's being ghandi.
you cause pain, but you don't feel pain - that's being a sociopath.
you cause pain and you feel pain - that's war. or life.
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