moments to share, moments to care
long long gone
a lot of things have changed in my life. and so have i. and it's a good change. the best thing is that i actually learn from my mistakes. i remember writing about how i let one specific person affect my life way too much than it was healthy. and now i feel the situation repeating itself again, except for me actually being on top of things and not letting pointless things affect me. thumbs up.
more and more i realize that it is hard to find the people that share your values. which is important. values are what we base our lives upon. i think i am smart enough to play my cards right and get along very good with people that i feel disgust or disrespect for, but that seems like a very hypocritical thing to do, which is just not the way i like to do it. so here is the question: am i supposed to try getting along nice with everyone, for the sake of everyone, even if it includes pretending? let's say: i am trying to avoid this person, because i don't like pretending. and to be honest: if we turn the situation vice versa, i wouldn't want anyone to have a fake smile for me or pretend that he/she likes me.
another thing. i think i am getting back into anorexia. and the problem is that i don't know how to get out of it. if i don't eat for a few days, my stomach shrinks so little that i just don't feel any hunger at all. i can go for a day just with an apple or cup of coffee. the problem is that now it already seriosuly affects my heart beating, my hands are shaking, i can hardly remember anything and i feel like i'm hungover all the time, which also includes the urge of vomiting which is the reason i am not eating anything although it was the only right thing to do. i'm afraid to faint. not because of my sake, but it would be so lame if someone was there. from the other side i feel so powerful over my body that i can last this long with basically minimal reserves of energy.
i don't know. everything feels fine and i cannot complain about anything. it is just me being aware that the latter thing is not the right one to do.
Skrivet av arlona, 2009-03-25 11:30
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