moments to share, moments to care

it is very annoying to wake up in the morning and find out that the feeling of suckness is still there.

it is a morning so i cannot choose to go end the day now.
it is a working day so i cannot stay longer in bed or give to any other pampering that the child within me wants.
head hurts. since i quit smoking, my jaw and temples hurt whenever i suppress my feelings since i don't give in to impulsive behavior that is addictive, compulsive, self destructive or irresponsible - the spontaneous expression of feelings i used to give in. now i know the consequences of that. but i also know the consequences of denial - pretending i don't feel anything and then exploding at any given moment.

so the pain in the temples and jaw for now is a good middle road - it reminds me there is an issue i need to take my time and deal with. it is not something i can ignore, and given time the pain just gets more annoying. i cannot act out. i don't want to. but the healthy way here is to be honest to myself, talk to the child and tend to his needs and solve the situation in a healthy and caring manner before it gets out of hand and blows in my face.

what i really want?
not to be a woman today, haha. to cry. a hug. to sleep. for my urges for food and smokes to stop. more hugs.
and find a little talisman i could carry around me that would remind me of the child inside me.
and serenity.

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-08-10 10:32